Day Sixteen: Community's Characters Speak To Me On A Personal Level

There’s an episode of Community that I love where Annie moves out of her shady apartment and into Troy and Abed’s place.

There’s a line in this episode that, to me, perfectly sums up Annie: “No more controlling. From now on, it’s just loosey goosey Annie. Loosey goosey. Wait, is it loosey goosey or goosey loosey?”

I love this part because in that moment, I was Annie and Annie was me.

I’m not a happy-go-lucky, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person.

I freak out when I don’t have my schedule planner calendar notebook.

I adore bullet point lists.

I organize for fun.

I make lists of everything: Books to read, movies to watch, things to get done over the weekend, errands to run, you name it, I’ve probably made a list out of it.

I don’t do spur of the moment well. I need to know at least several days in advance. I don’t make rash decisions.

In summation, I’m a planner and always will be.

Note to self: Someone with a planner, addictive personality probably shouldn’t become a temp.

And yet that’s where I am.

For the first two months of my temp position, I was in a constant state of stress.

I couldn’t plan a single aspect of my future.

Do you know what that does to a planner?

It causes them to loose brain cells. Which pretty sure I did.

To be transparent, I was also in a constant state of anger. Mostly at God.

If He promises to take care of me, why can’t I plan my future? Why can’t I have some semblance of stability?

This isn’t one of those blogs where I tie everything up in a neat bow and say, “But now, life is wonderful and I’m so at peace and blah blah blah.”

No.

I’m still angry.

I’m still loosing brain cells.

I’m still stressed.

I still have that feeling of waiting for life to start.

Which is a pretty sucktastic feeling, considering I’m about to be twenty-five.

I don’t have any kind of solution. Except to just let myself go limp and fall into God’s arms.

That’s it. That is quite literally all I can do.

At the end of the Community episode, Annie comes to terms with her control, planner self. And then she moves on.

Again, I am Annie and she is me.

I’m a wee bit of a control freak. I love to organize and plan. I have a burning desire to be some bigshot, multi-millionaire, businessman’s personal secretary. I want everything to be in order.

And now I am going to make an attempt at going limp and falling into God’s arms and letting Him take over.

The end.

Let's watch something happy now.