It Could Be A Lot Worse

It took me a long time to admit I needed one of those. 

I was diagnosed with Meniere's disease in February of 2016. That's when I started taking my first daily prescription. 

Then in January of this year, I finally worked up the courage to go to the doctor for the crippling panic attacks I had been having for four months. 

That's when I also learned I have hypothyroidism and am borderline diabetic. 

So now I take four prescribed medications. 

I constantly tell myself it could be so much worse. I could have cancer or only one arm or be in and out of hospitals instead of just doctor's offices. 

It could be a lot worse. 

But it's not great now. 

I get spouts of vertigo with the Meniere's, I can't remember how to breathe or stop crying or stand when I get a panic attack, and thanks to my stupid left ear's inner canal mixed with the Meniere's, I'm also prone to ear infections (3 a year like clockwork to be exact). Some of the medicine I take for the panic attacks gives me mood swings, another medicine makes my stomach churn, another that ironically helps with vertigo makes me dizzy. I have to be incredibly careful with my diet, or if I'm not, I pay. 

It could be a lot worse. 

Writing it all out reminds me that truly it could be so much worse. 

I have so much to be thankful for, way more things than the side effects I encounter from my medications, way more than the health problems I deal with. 

I have a ridiculously too good for me man who reminds me how to breathe when I get a panic attack. 

I have a family that loves me unconditionally and who constantly reminds me that they're here for me always. 

I have a best friend who reminds me in love to not cheat on my diet. 

I have other friends who pray for me and walk with me and make me laugh and forget all the crap. 

I have a God Who never gives me more than I can handle, even when sometimes it feels like a lot. Cause when it does feel like a lot, He nudges me towards Him so He can hug me. 

I have books to escape to and movies to explore and a cat that is weird but adorable and a good boss who lets me take sick days and work from home when it gets bad. 

It could be a lot worse.