"But you've been in college for, like, ever."

For one of my classes, we are reading this book called Becoming Adult, Becoming Christian by James Fowler. Most people in my class hate the book, but I'm that nerd that loves it and eats it up. 

We had to write a short essay on one chapter of the book that discusses different partnerships with God.  I wrote about this thing Fowler called “Partnership with God the Creator”.  In this partnership, we are, in a sense, working with God to bring about the work and excellence of his creation.   

This idea of partnering with God to make the world a better place appeals to me so much because I believe that God has entrusted us with His creation in such a way that He lets us take care of it in the hopes that we bring about His glory through the care we show in His creation.  From the very beginning of time, God put Adam in control of the Garden of Eden and told him to take care of the animals and plants.  The thing is, I don’t think that God just put us on earth to take care of His creation and then completely left us to do the work on our own; I strongly believe that if we admit we don’t always know how to best take care of His creation, He is able and willing to help us, thus the term “partnership”. 

This partnership with God also appeals to me because of the many connotations of the word “creation”.  In the text, Fowler writes about the different ways we create in this partnership with God, such as through technology, architecture, arts and science, and others.  The idea of creating both with and for God, taking the talents He has given me specifically and using them to further His Kingdom and make the world fruitful and worthwhile so strongly appeals to everything I believe.  

I don’t think we were just placed on earth to enjoy life, although I do think that is definitely part of it; I also think we are here to use the talents and gifts God bestowed upon us to make God’s creation the best it can possibly be.  When we realize this and accept this partnership of creation God is offering us, I feel that He is happy and smiling down upon His creation. 

Anyways, I was that nerd and was so excited to write a paper about this, I wrote two pages instead of the paragraph required, and still felt like I had more to say. 

I need to get out of school. It's turning me into some kind of nerd monster. 

"You are pretending! And that is acting."

I'm going to be in a play.

It's short, just under 10 minutes, and there are only two characters in the whole thing. But I'm still terrified. If I hadn't been asked on the spot and under pressure, I probably would have thought through it more and said no.

I'm taking a playwriting class this semester and I love it. I've discovered I love all forms of writing, and playwriting is so exciting because it changes so much.

My play is getting performed as well. I'm so excited to see my words performed, but I'm not really nervous about my play. I've learned to take criticism and change pretty well by now, so I'm not worried about them ruining it. I have complete faith in my actors.

But I'm terrified to act in this play, this sweet girl who has written beautiful words in a beautiful story. I will kill myself if I screw this up for her. I can't handle messing it up.

Maybe I'm just a little used to people not living up to everything I imagine them to be, but I can't handle not living up to someone else's expectations of me.

One good thing may come of this - I will probably lose weight because I'm far too nervous to eat.

"The most incredible thing, roses. They almost cover the stench of sin in this house."

I need to vent about incest for a moment. Apologies are profuse, I promise.

Just because a novel or a play is a "classic" and won every stinking award possible doesn't mean I need to feast my eyes on it.  Especially if it's full of mothers raping their sons and having babies by them, or daughters having sex with their dead father's corpse, or a mother finding sexual pleasure from breastfeeding her son, or a mother bathing her son until he's in high school, or cousins having a twenty-year affair.

How is this good literature?

I'm not trying to pretend that I'm the best follower of Jesus ever or so much better than the world. I'm not and I'm fully aware of that.  I'm not even trying to say that just because I go to a "Christian" institution, I shouldn't have to read this kind of material. I'm saying that I think that even if I didn't love Jesus, I would still hate reading about incest.

I know I'm a nerd. Books and the ability to read are blessings from God. And as such, I want to read things that are pleasing to him.

I don't think books about mother rapping their sons and then her husband getting mad when she gives birth to her son's baby so he drowns it and buries it in the backyard are pure and holy things to put before our eyes.

One more thing. I know I sometimes watch movies and telly shows I probably shouldn't, and even read things that probably upset Jesus.

But I didn't expect to be forced to read such material at a university whose motto is "We are a Christ-centered campus".

I am so glad I transfered to the institution that I am.  I'm proud to graduate from such an institution.  But things like this remind me that none of us, no institution, is perfect while we are on earth.

And I think my university needs to be humble and admit this every once and awhile.

If you're wondering, the title quote is from "Buried Child".

An interesting read, if you like incest.