"I love you. Uh, the way you compliment me. I love it." "You know I heard you the first time. I love you too."

Over the years, I've collected quite a few don't in the world of men and relationships.

For example, the "don't tell me how different I am and how you like it, only to tell me later that the reason you're leaving me is because I'm just too different" one.

Or the classic "don't tell me about how you value my beliefs and morals, only to try hopelessly to get me to break them" one

Or how about the "don't tell me about how I shouldn't like you, I should like your best friend because you're nothing compared to him but you're so glad I like you instead, only to tell me later you want to quit talking to me because you think I like your friend more than you" one.

But I think I have a new favourite: "don't tell me about how you are thinking about turning into a jerk and a douchebag because you're a nice guy now but girls don't seem to want nice guys and you're desperate to meet a nice girl because that's the only thing that's going to keep you from turning into a jerk, only to then treat me like dirt because I'm not slutty enough when I'm actually a nice girl trying to simply be your friend and show you that nice girls do still exist."

Yeah, I think this is my new favourite.

Listen, child: If you want to be a douchebag, go right ahead. You're exactly right; you will get a girlfriend that way. Or at least a one-night stand. But you will never ever ever have any girl that compares to girls like me.

I'm not even bragging on myself right now; I know I can be a pretty terrible person sometimes. I know the only real and good thing about me is that I've given my life over to Someone Who can help me handle it a lot better than I ever could alone. I know that some days that decision is the only smart one I ever make. I know there are five million girls out there that are prettier and thinner and nicer and have better personalities than me.

But I also know I have gumption. And I'm not just going to sleep with you because I feel sorry for both of us.

This post is taking a bit of a different turn than I meant it to, but I need to get something out of my system:

Why on earth would I sleep with some guy I met because we're both lonely when I could wait and give my entire self to a man who had the decency and sound mind to make a life-long commitment to take care of me and have me take care of him?

Listen again, boy: I might be single for the rest of my life. Personally I like to think that I am far too much of a romantic for it just to be wasted so the reason I have all this romantic in me is because one day I'll actually get to use it. But maybe not.

Are you listening, boy? Here's the kicker. You need to listen real good to this part.

Maybe I'll be single for the rest of my life because I'm not sleeping around. But maybe you'll end up alone when you're 60 too, even though you slept around. Me sleeping around with random boys will do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to improve my chances of getting a husband who will love me and consider me above himself in every aspect of his life.

One more kicker, child. This part's important too, so don't tune out on me quite yet.

If you treat me like a 1950's housewife now, how will it change if I were to go out and get drunk with you and sleep with you? Would sleeping with you improve my chances of getting you in a committed relationship with me?

Oh wait, one more thing. This one's probably the one you really need to hear the most.

Ready?

Here it is: Not every girl in the world wants to sleep with you, or even be with you. You need proof? Don't worry, I got your back. I want nothing to do with you. I've never wanted anything to do with you besides be your friend. Friend, kiddo. Not friend with benefits. Not friend you can get drunk with and hook up with. Friend.

Is that proof enough?

I'm not holier than thou. I just don't want to sleep with you.

Don't take it personally, kiddo. I don't want to sleep with anyone. I'm not married to anyone, so no.

I could be a witch with a b and say that if I did sleep around you would be at the bottom of the list, or say that you're not as good-looking or "nice" as you think you are, or say that don't you think there's probably a reason that the past three girls you've chased all shot you down, but I'm a bigger person than that, so I won't mention those things.

I used to wonder why I'm in love with fictional characters and romantic men in movies. And then I looked around at all the boys I'm surrounded by in the world, and got it.

I think I'm turning more and more into that crazy cat lady every day. But at least I have a solid imagination and a sound intelligence to keep me from getting too lonely.

Also, I have Netflix. And it has been keeping me company for the past week.

"Have a great day!" "That's too much pressure." "Have the day you have!"

I just finished bawling like a small child because I just got to the end of The Odd Life Of Timothy Green.

If you're reading this and have no idea what that is, let me tell you about this wonderful movie. It's about a husband and wife that love each other dearly and want to take that love and make it into a baby, but they can't. So one night, they decide to take paper and make their perfectly not-so-perfect baby. And then they bury the list in the backyard.

The writer of the movie was wise enough to not explain everything that happens or why it happens or really how or any of that, but somehow a storm comes, and the list is made into a boy named Timothy.

The story that follows is about Timothy fulfilling all of the things on the list, but not always in the way the parents expected it to pan out. Every time he fulfills a bullet on the list, one of his leaves falls off.

Oh, right. He has leaves growing out of his legs.

SPOILER WARNING (but also predictable).

As expected, once the leaves are all gone, Timothy must go as well.

And that's where I first started crying. The reason I lost it here was because he tells the parents he has to go, and they both say something along the lines of "We can do better. We will be better parents. We are just getting used to this." And Timothy laughs and says, "No, you are ready. You've always been ready. Never give up." That got me.

But the movie goes on for about another ten minutes after this scene. And yes, I bawled for the remainder of the film.

Timothy decides before he goes to give the leaves that have fallen off of his legs to various people he's met throughout his short life. The explanation of why he chooses the people he does is priceless.

But what really got me, what the real kicker was is the very last scene.

The parents adopt another child.

The movie is simple and sweet and G-rated which tells you something right off the bat. It's not exactly date night material.

But man, it got me good.

Funny thing that I started thinking about after I watched it and listened to the end credits song sung by Glen Hansard five hundred times over, some of the movies that have really gotten me over the years have been about adoption.

One of my all-time favourite movies is called Martian Child and is all about a writer adopting a boy who thinks he's from Mars. The second-to-last scene in this movie always makes me cry like a small child.

One of my favourite movies as a kid was Angels In The Outfield. I watched it a few weeks ago for the first time as an Adult and I don't think I ever realized as a kid that while the movie is about angels helping out a baseball team, it's really about adoption.

And yes, when I watched it again, it made me cry when Danny Glover adopts the two boys at the end. I also started crying when Joseph Gordon-Levitt's dad leaves him at the court house and he's calling out to his dad to come back.

I realize that I'm a pretty young 23 year old and I don't have a boyfriend (or, let's be real, any chance of a boyfriend considering the catches in Hickory) let alone a husband, so kids seriously should be the very very last thing on my mind.

But after watching movies like The Odd Life Of Timothy Green or Martian Child or Angels In The Outfield, it makes me want to adopt when the times comes.

John Cusack, who plays the man who adopts the martian child in Martian Child, says something really great at one point in the movie: "I understand the reasons for not wanting to bring a child into this world, but there's no rule about not loving a child already in the world."

That sums up all reasons for wanting to adopt.

I've never been one to want kids of my own. I'm kind of like Robin on How I Met Your Mother; I don't want kids, but probably if I was ever told my a doctor that I couldn't have kids, I would immediately want them. (Side note, the episode where Robin found out she couldn't have kids ripped my heart out.)

Honesty time: I figured I would spend all my time as a parent of my own kids worrying that I would A) drop them and kill them as infants or B) screw them up really bad as teenagers.

But with kids that are adopted, here's my thing about both A and B: I would adopt them when they are in elementary school so no worries about dropping them, and if their biological parents have either abandoned them or died, well, I can't do any worse than that, right? It can only be uphill then.

I don't know what will happen in 5 or 10 or 30 years. But if I keep watching movies about adoption, I think I have a pretty safe bet on what will probably happen.