And sometimes it's great because sometimes it's for family members or friends whom I can just call or text or write a letter to expressing gratitude for them putting up with my mess.
And then sometimes I just want to dissolve in tears because sometimes it's for people who have impacted my life whom I will probably never get to tell, like John Finnemore or Arthur Conan Doyle or Matthew Thiessen or Jason Morant or Harper Lee.
But the worst is when something happens that reminds me of an old friend who, for one reason or another, no longer remembers me or gave up on our friendship a long time ago. And I just want to find them and tell them that I'm sorry for contributing to us no longer being in each other's life but at one time or another, they meant a great deal to me.
Actually, when I think about it, there is something that hurts just as much, if not more.
When I just want to tell someone that they comforted me when I couldn't tell anyone what was wrong, or that they let be in their life when my life was really hard and I didn't want to pay attention to it anymore, or thank them for never judging me for why I needed them. But I can't because they're trapped inside of a book or movie or television show.
I wish there was a way to show my appreciation for fictional characters.
I also wish there was a way to do this without the general public wondering if they should strap me into a straight jacket and put me away.
The other day I was talking to someone and they told me that they've been best friends with their best friend since second grade and it made me do math and figure out the person I've been friends with the longest.
A few long friendships came up, like my friend who is studying in Ireland who I've been pals with for almost six years or my mutual The Princess Bride obsessed friend who I met when I was 14 and went years without seeing but finally saw her again a little over a year ago.
What's really sad though is that I realized the person I've had the closest and longest friendship with, apart from my family of course, is a man named Sherlock Holmes, who I met when I was 12.
It might be a little pathetic, but during years where I was a little too weird to have many friends (or friends at all, sometimes), I always had him, and that was wonderful.
I wish I could thank him for sticking around and letting me love on him constantly. Because even when I became obsessed with other characters in books and told people I was in love with certain characters from movies or television shows, Sherlock knew he never had to worry - I would always return to him, no matter what.
Is it very strange to consider a fictional character one of the most stable things in one's life?
Probably.
It's a good thing I came to terms with my strangeness years ago.
