It's incomplete.
ACT ONE
Scene One
(LIGHTS come up to reveal several woman standing
around in 3 or 4 groups talking. There is a TABLE in the middle of the room
with a tea set and snacks.)
KATHERINE
The other day, you won’t believe what little Jimmy
did. I was in the living room cleaning up a little, you know, the children, I love
them but they make such a mess sometimes, but I never mind cleaning it up
because they’re just so adorable. Anyways, I was picking up some of their
precious little toys and just straightening things up before Jason came home,
and little Jimmy walks into the living room and holds up a plate with oreos
he’s “decorated” with grape jelly and sprinkles, and yells out, just as loud as
his little voice can, “Mommy, it’s an I-Love-You cookie kind of day.”
(WOMEN
standing in this circle all “awww”
loudly
and dramatically.)
KATHERINE
I know. It was just the cutest little thing. So
then I went into the kitchen and made him one too, and we ended up spending the
rest of the day making I-Love-You cookies for Jason when he got home. We had a
whole dish of them just waiting on Jason. It was just the darndest thing.
(WOMEN
and KATHERINE freeze and lights
dim,
and NORA walks onto the stage and
addresses
the audience.)
NORA
That’s Mrs. Zimmerbold there, Katherine to all her
friends, but always Mrs. Zimmerbold to me. Let me tell you a little bit about
Katherine Zimmerbold. Her maiden name was Addison, but when she married Jason
Zimmerbold, she not only took on his name, but his 3.5 million dollars in the
bank, his mansion in the country, his ginormous apartment on the west side of
town, his grandmother’s wedding ring that was appraised at two hundred grand,
and, last but least to Katherine, the children she bore him. Let me tell you
something else about Katherine Zimmerbold; I am her nanny. I am not Nora
Simpleton from Virginia or even Ted Simpleton’s daughter. I am Katherine
Zimmerbold’s Nanny. The few times I’ve accidentally been seen at one of
Katherine Zimmerbold’s house parties because Jim needed a glass of water or
Kitty wanted a bedtime snack, she’s just said, “Oh, everyone, this is My
Nanny.” I am Katherine Zimmerbold’s Nanny, and I do not exist.
(WOMEN
and KATHERINE become unfrozen
and
begin laughing.)
WOMAN
#1
Oh Katherine, you just have the cutest kids. I
don’t know how you manage to do everything you do for Jason and keep up house
and home and still manage to have the cutest little interactions with your
adorable children. It really is just heroic.
KATHERINE
Well, ladies, you know I would be nothing without
those kids. I would just shrivel up and die without them.
(LIGHTS
fade. LIGHTS come back up
revealing
just KATHERINE on stage as she
addresses
the audience.)
KATHERINE
I have a little secret to confess. Jimmy actually
made the cookie for The Nanny. But when she told me the story, it was just too
adorable to pass up. And some of the ladies have been giving me The Look, so I
needed to come up with something fast. You know The Look. Here, let me show
you.
(KATHERINE
gives the audience The Look.)
That’s The Look. That look of disapproval, of
wondering, of fake concern. I’ve been getting it because everything thinks I
haven’t been spending time with my family. Which is ridiculous. I make sure to
spend fifteen minutes with The Nanny every other night, listening to her
stories of how the children are. I mean. My god, what else do I have time for?
The children know I love them of course. I usually go and kiss them goodnight
when I get home from my long days with the ladies. Sometimes I’m just too
tired, but who can blame me? I lead a full rich wife’s life. I don’t have time
for the Mother of the Year award.
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